…when I wonder if a website I’ve come across is real or a hilariously satirical parody. Take this one: Are Cats For Christians?

There are numerous reasons why a loyal dedicated servant of God should use his Bible-trained conscience to arrive at a proper understanding of why cats are not advisable as pets or companions for Christians. Consider, then, the following facts:
It was a common practice in ancient Egypt to worship or idolize cats as ‘gods’. Indeed, after death many cats were mummified, venerated and sacrifices were made to them. As Christians we observe not only the Mosaic Law, but also the ‘necessary things,’ identified by the Apostles at Jerusalem, to include the following edict: ‘(1) Abstain from sacrifices to idols’. We are to ‘guard ourselves from idols’ and ‘worship no other gods’. Such feline influence could lead to idolatry and thereby ‘grieve Jehovah’s Spirit’ with tragic consequences. May we never take for granted Jehovah’s wise and generous counsel brought to you by your spiritual brothers in the pages of this magazine!
The Bible does not say that cats were not present at Herod’s birthday party when John the Baptist was beheaded. History shows that cats were most likely present at this tragic party that Jehovah did not approve of. Clearly then, as loyal Christians, why would we even want to associate with animals that are without a doubt of such bad influence, remembering how true are the Bible’s words: ‘Bad associations spoil useful habits’! -1 Cor. 15:33. Some have exposed themselves to possible spiritual contamination in this way. To invite cats in our house is to toy with disaster. Can one deny that the chance exists that the same grave consequences could visit your home that fell upon John? Clearly, God disapproved of this ‘birthday’ party. Should we not then disapprove (without showing any malicious intent, only Godly hatred) of cats the way the scriptures recommend?….
….As loyal followers of Jehovah’s thinking on this matter, we can rejoice in the fact that in the new system, the incoming theocracy and World Order, the ‘lion will lie down with the lamb’ -Isa. 11:6-7. Yes, when Satan is finally abyssed, the ‘beastly’ nature of felines will be forever abolished, and they will be fit companions for humans on Paradise Earth! But until that rapidly-approaching time, God will reward all of our efforts to maintain integrity by loyally submitting to the leading of his spirit expressed through the loving guidance of the ‘faithful and discreet slave’. -Matt. 24:45-47

I have no cats myself. Now and then I suspect that neighbours’ cats are harbouring some deep-seated grudge against us, like the time one of them crapped in the back seat of our car. However, even then, I didn’t think that the creature might be Satan in disguise.

It isn’t just David Beckham who gets the wrong foreign characters tattooed on him. Hanzi Smatter is dedicated to showing examples of disasterous mistranscriptions of Chinese characters in tattoos.
For instance, pity the poor (Welsh?) bloke who proudly tells the world that he menstruates well, or the Brazilian who wants everybody to know that he farts with ease.
But spare no pity for this ignorant turd.

Discalaimers – you know that paragraph or two of legalese you get at the foot of emails emanating from big companies (“Nothing in this email shall be construed blah blah…..”) – can become quite ridiculously large. An 1100-word example was recently spotted.
Writer Wendy Grossman has therefore come up with an Anti-Disclaimer, which you are free to copy, use, adapt and distribute:

IMPORTANT – ANTI-DISCLAIMER – This email is not and cannot, by its nature, be confidential. En route from me to you, it will pass across the public Internet, easily readable by any number of system administrators along the way. If you have received this message by mistake, it would be ridiculous for me to tell you not to read it or copy to anyone else, because, let’s face it, if it’s a message revealing confidential information or that could embarrass me intensely, that’s precisely what you’ll do. Who wouldn’t? Likewise, it is superfluous for me to claim copyright in the contents, because I own that anyway, even if you print out a hard copy or disseminate this message all over the known universe. I don’t know why so many corporate mail servers feel impelled to attach a disclaimer to the bottom of every email message saying otherwise. If you don’t know either, why not email your corporate lawyers and system administrators and ask them why they insist on contributing so much to the waste of bandwidth?

.’X-Day is coming!’ The Blessed Day when the Alien Sex Goddesses shall at last arrive on Earth and proceed with THE RUPTURE! All card-carrying, Truly Ordained, PAID UP SubGenius Ministers shall be SNATCHED UP into the Cosmos to spend Eternity (or at least the Journey to Planet X) engaging in a VAST ORGAZMONIC RITUAL OF SEXHURT!! After SIX MILLION YEARS of persecution, discrimation, and torture at the hands of the Conspiracy, we shall FINALLY take our place at the right hand of JHVH-1 and HAVE OUR REVENGE on the ones who have made our lives a SHEER, UNENDING HELL!!!

The Apocalypse begins on July 5th, 2007…
…and it will last FOREVER!!

(Not only that, but the SEX will be fantastic, too!)
AND *YOU* ARE INVITED!

More from The High Wierdness Project

From his blog:

Wavy Gravy once asked a Zen Roshi, “What happens after death?”
The Roshi replied, “I don’t know.”
Wavy protested, “But you’re a Zen Master!”
“Yes,” the Roshi admitted, “but I’m not a dead Zen Master.”

…and lo, there was light – all over the bleedin’ house, when the power finally came on at 2.55 this afternoon. After 44 hours of no electricity, when the storms on sunday cut power to most of the region.
We’d just about used up all our candles, I’d done every bloody suduku puzzle in my puzzle book, read all my library books…..
Now to get on with reading my emails!

Ignorance more frequently begets confidence than does knowledge: it is those who know little, and not those who know much, who so positively assert that this or that problem will never be solved by science.

– Charles Darwin