Advice to the Home Secretary….

I know you’ve had a very difficult weekend, but please, before you make another appearance in front of the cameras – do something about the bags under your eyes! There are creams for that, and really, it doesn’t do any good for the country’s morale if you look like you’ve not slept for 48 hours – even if you really haven’t slept for 48 hours.
And try not to look so terrified! Again, you probably are secretly terrified, but it’s a matter of keeping up morale. Being a successful and inspiring leader is as much about acting the part as actually doing it (look at Ronald Reagan).
Being in New Labour, you’ve undoubtedly got lots of luvvie actor friends who can give you loads of tips on how to act like you’re on top of the situation. Go and talk to them now!