Eye Contact
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I’ve suspected for a long time that I have Aspergers Syndrome (although sometimes I think I’m not Aspie at all, but just normally weird). My life-long difficulty making eye contact with people is one of the reasons for my suspicion; it’s a well-known AS trait (along with a tendency to mistake the standard “How are you?” greeting for an enquiry about the current state of my health).
Having poor eyesight gives me an easy excuse for avoidi eye contact – I used to tell people “When I was a baby, I couldn’t see faces at all, so I never learned to look at them.” But really, it makes me acutely uncomfortable to look somebody in the eyes – I usually have to be drunk to do it (then I go amusingly wall-eyed!) I’m sure it makes many people think i’m stand-offish or unfriendly, but I never know quite how to look at someody when I’m talking to them. Do I stare deeply into their eyes at all times and risk coming across as some sort of psycho? Stare over their shoulder and make them wonder what’s behind them? Take off my glasses, unfocus my eyes and gaze vaguely at that pink blob with the noises coming out of the middle of it?
So I was pleased to discover this helpful article on WrongPlanet.net, giving tips on how to make eye contact appropriately and without too much discomfort.
Well I never.
Most of the time, when I first met you, I just assumed you had poor eyesight, and often there was reflection from your glasses so I couldn’t tell you weren’t making eye contact anyway. Also I guess I just thought you were shy.
I found the article very interesting, especially the paragraph that begins “When the eye contact drops below 30%, an NT begins to feel that his conversation partner is untrustworthy.” I know a guy who never makes eye contact, and the effect on me was exactly as described i.e. I felt he was hiding something. Mind you, given previous experiences with men, I don’t think I need much excuse to believe that anyway!
Personally, I reckon you’re you and whether you make eye contact or not, doesn’t matter to me. I can see that people who don’t know you might think you’re “weird” but so what? I have a t-shirt that says “Weirdo and proud”.