Side effects

Me and drugs – whether legal or illegal – have never mixed happily. I seem to be way too sensitive to their myriad side-effects. Take the time some years ago when I was put on a powerful steroidal painkiller for problems with my ankles. “Has been known to cause mental disturbances in some individuals” went the blurb in the information leaflet.
So, ten days into the course, I was getting on a train to get home. I sat down, looked around at my fellow passengers. They all looked normal – except for their faces. They were all wearing those big alien heads, with huge black saucer-shaped eyes. And they were all staring at me.
Luckily, I recognised that I was hallucinating (I could see through it to the reality below, with effort). So I spent the rest of the journey gazing out of the window at the passing landscape. Which was also looking pretty strange. But at least it wasn’t staring back at me. By the time I reached home, the hallucination seemed, thankfully, to have worn off. So the pills went straight in the bin – with regret, as they did a terrific job of painkilling.
So – back to the present. Yesterday, I went to see good old Doc G, about my worsening angina symptoms. He gave me some new pills. “You’ll have a headache for a couple of days, but that will wear off.” he told me.
So home I went, and popped a pill. The headache duly arrived, and got worse as the evening wore on. I also started feeling decidedly queasy. Eventually, I started heaving. And heaving. And spewing. My stomach was emptied, but the dry-retching continued. As did the headache – now close to migraine proportions. Eventually, at about 3am, it stopped and I was able to slip into an exhausted doze for a few hours. In the morning, feeling like death and with my head still thumping, I tottered downstairs, got out the packet of pills. The information sheet, which I hadn’t bothered to read before, stated “Some patients may experience nuasea and vomiting.” I would have hurled the pills into the fire, if I’d had the strength.

So, Doc G – I’ll be seeing you again!